akatsuki alphabet
by inneritachi
Summary: best enjoyed with a cup of coffee and a dango stick...


B is for bedsheet

Moriko stood beside hidan and konan, who was shaking her head. They were staring at te red stains on deidara's bedsheets.

"do you realize what this means?"

Moriko's voice broke the silence.

"well, I always expected it…"

"I always knew."

Kisame stood in the doorway, looking a little pale.

"So that's where my tomato juice went!"

C is for classical

Night. All was quiet in the akatsuki lair. Except for…

" itanari! Itachi! What the ---- are you playing in your room?!"

Hidan's screames echoed bown the corridor.

Itachi walked out of their room followed by itanari.

"it's called classical."

"arabesque in E minor, to be more specific."

"look, I don't give a ---- about classical, and it's disturbing my ritual!turn the damn thing off!"

"hn."

They returned to their rooms.

Shortly after, Heavy metal blasted down the corridor, and hidan's curses could be heard from a mile away.

Itanari settled down in her armchair beside itachi's, sipped a cup of coffee, and smirked.

D is for diplomacy

"itanari?"

"yes?"

"I found this word in a book. it says diplomacy. do you know what it means?"

"hn. if i were to say, your face would stop a clock. or if i were to say when I see your face, time stands still. now tha's diplomacy."

E is for explode

"Deidara, was that an explosion?"

"no un….."

"deidara."

"uhn… clay isn't the only thing that blows up in the microwave…"

"Deidara! This is our 15th microwave! "

"sorry leader-sama…"

Deidara slinked out of the door.

Soon after, a gigantic explosion rocked the entire akatsuki lair.

Deidara poked his head around the door.

"16th!"

"Deidara get back here!"

F is for firetruck

"-----"

"but hidan senpai, you promised you would'nt swear!"

"tobi…*sigh*when I want to ----ing swear I Will damn well swear."

Hidan, tobi and kakuzu were in the akatsuki library. Pein was glaring at them for making so much noise from the corner of the room.

"look, hidan. Let's strike a deal. If you can stop swearing for a day, I owe you a buck."

"oh that's just ---ing fine. "

"oh look, Charlie the purple unicorn!"

Well dear readers, Charlie the purple unicorn does not have anything to do with tobi, other than the fact that he was currently running into poles.

Hidan and kakuzu walked into the dining hall where the akatsuki was eating hidan's place was purple unicorn placed there by tobi…

"Tobi… You f-"

"FIRETRUCK!!!!"

The entire hall stared at hidan.

"What the FIRETRUCKFIRETRUCKFIRETRUCKFIRETRUCKFIREFUCK---"

Guess who won the bet.

G is for good boy

Experiments are always dangerous… Especially when they involve sugar, being drunk, insults and… Tobi.

It was morning. hidan, who was delirious and drunk from 5 glasses of beer, staggered through the doorway and crashed into itanari in the doorway.

"itachi….whzzz… you actually have a flat chest…"

"pardon me, but could you repeat that."

"you have a flat chest?"

"Are you saying that I have a sexual deficiency."

"Duh… I mean, itachi's becoming an emotionally sensitive woman…"

"Im sorry? I think you have the wrong person. Im ita—"

"Whazz…you mean androgymous… *chuckle*"

Despite how great a façade she put up, there was always a limit.

"That's it. You're gonna help with our experiment."

"wait… She?!"

Before hidan realized what was happening, he was dragged into a closet and was locked away.

"TOBI'S A BAD BAD BAD BOY!!!!"

"hn. Moriko, I'll leave you to it."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" The widely-dreaded scream of a hyper Tobi erupted by his ear.

Moriko dragged tobi to the kitchen and spooned spoonfuls of sugar into his mouth. Then, she pushed him into the cupboard with hidan, and waited for his sugar rush to begin.

"have fun hidan."

H is for hair

Pein flipped through the profiles of the akatsuki members.

Konan stood by his side, looking intently at each of the photos.

"Konan, why are you staring so intently at their photos?"

"well…."

"it's okay. You can tell me….."

The "goth king" sat on his throne which was actually a overturned sofa with skulls sticking out of it.

"well….. I noticed something. A similarity."

"what? They're all S-ranked?"

"pein, you have the innate talent of stating the obvious. Quoteunquote that guy with the moustache…. What was his name…."

"forget it."

"no, I have just come up with a theory."

"what-"

"to be in the akatsuki you have to have awesome hair."

I is for ignorance

Itachi and kisame sat in the living room, itanari reading a book in the corner. They were having a debate about a word tobi had found in the dictionary.

"I say innocence is bliss. "

"innocence is ignorance."

"I say innocence is bliss-"

"so is ignorance."

"INNOCENCE is bliss."

"Itanari, your opinion."

"by the way itachi, what's innocence?"

"now that's just plain ignorance." Itanari lamented, a glint in her eye.


End file.
